More than search and rescue personnel including elite troops using thermal imaging equipment, helicopters and drones have been desperately trying to find the schoolgirl. As parents who are touched deeply by this family's plight, it is hard not to feel helpless. At the weekend, I spoke to the detective who worked on the Madeleine McCann case. He is liaising closely with Nora's family.
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He says that the family are being bolstered somewhat during their nightmare by good thoughts, prayers and moral support from people throughout the world. Let's keep that going and send all positive thoughts to this poor family who are navigating the worst days of their lives — and let's hope and pray that this story has a happy ending. Leona O'Neill: Nora Quoirin's disappearance is every parent's worst nightmare As the search for missing year-old Nora Quoirin continues, Leona O'Neill tries to imagine the heartache her family must be experiencing and urges everyone to stay positive for her safe return Nora Quoirin 15 went missing while on a holiday with her family in Malaysia.
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Categories Life. Get the day's headlines delivered directly to your inbox Sign Up. Jonathan Cairns murder: woman released on bail Bishop-elect confirms support for women's ordination. Allison Morris: Grubby sectarianism of election campaign won't disappear after December It is important to remember that everyone grieves but does not express their grief the same.
You will likely find that your family members exhibit feelings of loss in a variety of ways. Even though we are keenly aware of the experience of our loss as parents, it is important to remember that if you have other children, they too suffer a unique loss of their own. It is ironic that there are countless books on preparing a child for accepting a new baby brother or baby sister but you will find little on the death of a brother or a sister.
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Siblings are often referred to as the forgotten mourners. Siblings lose their brother or sister but also lose the parents that once were. If your other children are older, they are often asked how you or the other parent are doing rather than being asked how they are doing. Grandparents suffer as well. Grandparents often set their grief aside to help the parents, brothers, and sisters of the family. If you are fortunate enough to still have your parents, remember that they grieve too. The mission of The Compassionate Friends is to provide support not only to parents but to also support siblings and grandparents.
In couples, fathers and mothers may find they express their grief differently than each other. Men, in our society, have often been programmed from early childhood not to show feelings; thus, some fathers may tend to hide their feelings or have difficulty talking about their child. In addition, fathers are often not shown the same kind of support from friends and relatives that is given to the mother.
One father complained bitterly that whenever he ran into a friend or relative they asked how his wife was doing and totally avoided asking how he was doing. The resultant bottled-up feelings may lead to physical symptoms or behavioral change such as extreme irritability or bossy, demanding comments. Mothers often grieve more openly. They need to talk frequently about their child, about the circumstances of the death, and about their feelings.
Too, their deep grief responses may continue for a long period after death, whereas fathers may be forced to move forward faster. This may be difficult for some fathers. In addition, both the mother and father may become irritable which also affects their relationship with each other. Initially, I assumed what was comforting for me would be comforting for my husband as well. I scrambled to find every picture we had of Tony.
I wanted to make sure they were put together and stored safely. I wanted to look intently at each picture as if reaffirming my memories, I would cherish forever. I wanted my husband to do this with me. After a few tense weekends, I learned he could not handle looking at pictures where looking at pictures provided me comfort.
Since our ability to share feelings is not gender related but based on many variables including our personalities and experiences with feelings as a child, these stereotypical views of grief should not be considered cast in stone.
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Mothers may have difficulty in expressing their pain and fathers may be the more open and verbal of the couple. It may be difficult to face and share these very personal and painful feelings even with each other. Sharing the pain is an important aspect of grief work and is vitally important in maintaining the relationship.
It is important during these difficult periods for couples to keep open the lines of communication, even though communication when under stress is very difficult. To keep the communication open and to restore a feeling of closeness, parents may need to plan times to be together—alone. A night out for dinner or a weekend away from the family may be necessary. Talking to a professional or to other bereaved parents may help to enhance communication if there are problems.
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Many professionals have heard, believe, and repeat that percent of marriages fail after a child dies. Studies have proven this a myth. In actuality, a very low rate of marriages fail after a child dies.
Generally, these marriages were in trouble before the child died. When a couple has had a child die, it is reassuring to know that it is rare for them to face the additional stress of a failed marriage. Marriages survive because the life of the child—and the death of the child—was a shared experience. Those memories can never be shared and remembered in the same way with any other person. Parents of adult children who die may feel that their grief is discounted because society views their child as an adult and not really a child.
At any age, facing the reality that a child has died before the parent and living without the child is difficult. If the child was married and left behind a spouse and children, the focus of support and concern often goes to them with limited support to the parents or grandparents. On the other hand, the presence of the spouse and especially grandchildren can be extremely comforting. Parents of married children may be comforted by having involvement in the planning of the funeral and burial arrangements. However, exclusion from these decisions and plans by the remaining spouse, can be a very painful loss as well.
Parents of single adults are immediately plunged into dealing with authorities, arranging the funeral and burial, and cleaning out the belongings while also still in a stage of shock and acute distress. Too, often the dwelling needs to be vacated quickly to reduce hefty rental or mortgage payments.
Another burden for these parents is managing the finances and estate of an unmarried child.
This sometimes can involve legal complexities if the adult child did not leave clear direction such as power of attorney or a will. If the child was married and the spouse also died, as can happen in a vehicular accident, the complications can be overwhelming. These legal demands are immediate and cannot wait until the initial emotional trauma has subsided. When a child dies, whether a baby, a child, or an adult child, there may also be grandparents who also grieve. Grandparents experience the same feelings of grief as parents, albeit the loss is a different experience.rilsiobefe.tk
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As a result, grandparents may not get the support they need. Too, some elderly adults do not easily share their feelings with others, even their own children. Parents who lose an adult child may also be grandparents if their child had children. Not only is this another huge loss for the grandparents but also for the grandchildren who have already lost a parent. At the time of such a profound loss for everyone, it is important to pull together rather than splintering apart.
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Grandparents may have to assume the legal guardianship of the children left behind.